July 7, 1302

Port Vallyn

Matt frowned as he turned away from the window and pushed his memories away. He glanced over at Sera. She was still sitting on the bed, watching him with an interested expression on her sweet face. He quickly looked away from her and examined the room instead. The furniture was whitewashed, the one painting on the wall was of a meadow surrounded by trees with white blossoms, and even the small table with the vase of flowers had a white lace cloth over it. He felt like a troll in a fairy house.

“What are you thinking about?” Sera asked softly.

“Nothing,” he grumbled as he ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I should get home.”

“Where’s home?”

“Halimi.”

She nodded. “Would you let me come with you as far as Glendale? The roads aren’t always safe up here. and, well, I’m not a fighter.”

He glanced over at her and couldn’t help his small smile. “A fighting healer?”

She laughed—a gentle, bell-like sound. “I guess so. Kind of like a cat.”

“How’s that?”

“You know, the ones that bite you and then immediately lick it better.”

It wasn’t an animal that came to mind, it was a woman, and he inwardly groaned at the memory. He had rarely ever thought of the past before; he didn’t want to think of it now. But memories had started plaguing him ever since he woke up without his birthmark, and he couldn’t get them to stop. He just shrugged. “Guess I haven’t been around cats much.”

“More of a dog person?” she asked with a giggle.

He just looked at her blankly.

“Malluk, hellhounds…” she explained, but his expression didn’t change. “Well, it was funny to me.”

He thought of Pyra, but said nothing.

“So, can I come with you?” she asked again.

He shifted uncomfortably. “Isn’t there someone else who can take you?”

She shook her head, causing her curls to bounce gently.

He looked away and frowned as he took a drag of his cigarette. What did he care if she had to go alone? It wasn’t his problem. He turned back to tell her no, but she was still gazing at him with those big, summer-blue eyes, looking sweeter and more delicate than he thought was humanly possible. Ridiculously, it made him feel protective of her, which made no sense to him at all. It was him she should be protected from anyway, but after a moment, he sighed. “Yeah, fine.”

She beamed at him. “Thank you.”

That strange stirring he had been getting the past two days entered his chest, and he rubbed at it unconsciously. “Sure,” he mumbled. He wished she would stop looking at him like that—like she could see through him. She made him feel exposed and weak. He hated it.

The longer he stood there with her eyes on him, the more restless he got. “I want to leave as soon as possible,” he said, his tone suddenly gruff.

“We can go as soon as I get my things,” she offered easily.

“Good.”

__________

And hour later, Matt was outside the stables on the edge of town. He sat on a bench beside the road, arms crossed over his chest, brooding.

“What’s wrong?” Sera asked when she arrived.

“Life got complicated,” he grumbled, then laughed humorlessly. “You know what they say: no good deed goes unpunished.”

She sat down next to him. “What do you mean?”

He got up and walked several feet away. “I’m broke.”

“You got your money from the church,” she guessed.

“Yeah. Now there’s the little problem of me being on their shit list.” He raked a hand through his hair and sighed forcefully. “A moment of weakness and everything’s turned upside down. And for what?” he asked bitterly. "For the life of one—just one—stupid woman.”

“It was the right thing to do,” Sera said quietly.

He looked at her incredulously, his temper exploding. “What the hell do I care about what’s right? My whole damn life has been completely destroyed, and you think the knowledge of me doing the right thing makes it better?” he thundered. “And who the hell is it right for, anyway? Not me, that’s for damn sure!”

He scowled at her, but she remained calm and unruffled by his anger. He gave her a short growl, then lit a cigarette and started pacing back and forth along the dirt road.

“Are you still going back to Halimi?” she asked, her voice continuing to be light.

“Yeah,” he answered curtly.

“Do you still have a horse?”

“No, the damn bastards actually took it!”

She nodded. “Well, you can share mine until we get to Glendale,” she told him, her tone soft but businesslike. “After that, you can have it, if you like.” She studied him for a moment. “I have enough supplies for both of us, except for a bedroll, of course—but I can buy that, as well as cigarettes, if you need more.”

He stopped and stared at her. “Why?”

“That’s what I can offer.” She shrugged. He continued to frown deeply, and she nodded. “Charity. You wouldn’t understand that, would you?” She hummed in thought. “Actually, it’s just a trade. You’re already doing something for me: you’re giving me safe passage to Glendale and good company while we travel.” She smiled, then added firmly, “The company of someone who will not be raising his voice at me again.”

He glowered at her as he took another drag of his cigarette. Her cool expression didn’t change; she acted as if she wasn’t the least bit intimidated by him. Just like Tess. But unlike Tess, Sera wasn’t a fighter. Quite the opposite—she was a healing cleric, and therefore a pacifist. She wouldn’t even lift a finger to try to save herself if she were attacked. And yet, she looked completely at ease with him. He honestly had no idea how to react to her, or what to think of her.

When he didn’t respond right away, she asked, “Would you rather take a coach? I can purchase two tickets for the next one if you’d like.”

He exhaled some smoke in a bit of a huff. “I hate coaches,” he grumbled.

She nodded. “So you’ll share my horse, then?”

He sighed and looked over at the stable yard. “Which one’s yours?”

“The pretty white one with the pink ribbons in her hair.”

He growled.

She laughed. “Kidding. He’s right there.” She pointed to a solid-looking brown one. “Manly enough for you?” she teased.

He really didn’t get her. He flicked the remainder of his cigarette onto the road and lit another as he watched her get up and walk to the stables. I really shouldn't watch her, he thought, as the wind picked up slightly, molding her dress to her well-rounded hips and shapely bottom. She was small—eleven inches shorter than his six-foot-two height—and she was delicate, but her body was perfect, soft and curvaceous.

Just then, as desire stirred, he realized that he hadn’t been with anyone in three weeks, and now he was letting himself be alone with her. He couldn’t help imaging her naked body under his, her full breasts pressed against him, her legs cradling his hips, her—

He shook his head and pushed the thoughts away with a groan. Maybe they should leave tomorrow instead, after he spent the night in a tavern with a hussy… or three. He sighed heavily. No, he wanted to get out of this town and get this over with. They would ride straight to Glendale. They would get there quite late, but they could make it in a day. And then he would never see her again. There would be plenty of available women in that town, and he wasn’t well-known there.

Sera stopped before a stall and talked to the stable hand. Matt forced his gaze to stay away from her rear as he watched her. The boy was all smiles, insisting on doing everything for her, and then waved her money away when she tried to give him a tip. She smiled warmly at him and said something that made him blush and smile.

She had an affect on people; it wasn’t just Matt. That was good, he thought. Maybe it was just her healing cleric powers that made people feel strange emotions. Desire he was okay with, but the rest… he didn’t even understand what she made him feel, which annoyed him. But if she had the same effect on everyone, then it meant there wasn’t something wrong with him.

The thought would have made him feel better if he weren't also feeling possessive just then, if he didn't want to punch the boy for looking at her like that. He hadn’t felt that way about anyone since Vivyka, but she had made sense; he had been dating her, and he was always possessive of what belonged to him. Sera wasn’t his, and yet the feeling was stronger than ever before. He silently grumbled at himself and looked away.

A couple of minutes later, Sera led her horse out to where he stood. Flicking his cigarette to the ground, he took the reins she offered and got on quickly. That’s when he finally thought about the contact factor of riding together. He really didn’t want to touch her. That seriously wouldn’t help the desire, and it would just make those stupid, confusing feelings worse.

But he had no choice. With a sigh, he reached down to her. She let him lift her up to sit in front of him, and then she leaned back against his chest. Ridiculously, his breath caught, and he wondered what the hell his problem was—or hers, for that matter. Why couldn’t she just act like a normal woman? Flustered, scared, angry, lustful… those were things he was used to, things he understood. He didn’t even have a category for her. He had thought Tess was confusing, but she was nothing next to her cousin.

Hesitantly, he put his arm around Sera so he could get the horse moving, and then held the saddle horn while his other hand remained at his side.

Thankfully, she stayed silent as they traveled. He didn’t want to talk—he wanted to think, to figure out what his life was now. He didn’t feel bad about what he had done to his mother. He had respected her. She was powerful, merciless, heartless, and a perfect example of a true servant of Malluk, all things he had appreciated and even looked up to as a child. But that was all.

And he had never wanted to take over Kelstone with her and be king, anyway; Tess had been right about that, too. He had hated the idea of being caged, of having others do things for him. He liked being in the midst of it all, in the action. He also didn’t have the grand ambition that his mother had had. He just wanted to have a good time, do what he wanted, and not have to worry about ruling anything other than himself.

But now everything was gone: his money, his position of power, his friends—well, more like followers—everything he had known. His whole life had been wrapped around Malluk, and now all of Malluk’s people were against him. He was alone. He had always felt that way, had always been a loner, but now it wasn’t by choice.

And why had he done it, anyway? It made no sense to him. How did one woman get him to throw away everything? He thought about it for a while. He remembered Tess risking her life for him when they were in the Spirit Cave, when she didn’t know who he was yet, when she had thought he was a good guy. She had pushed him out of the way of a skeleton’s sword and gotten herself stabbed. And when he had asked why, she had called him a friend. Friend—no one had ever said that to him and meant it the way she had. She hadn’t wanted his money or power; she hadn’t even known about it at the time. She had just wanted his friendship.

And then watching her and Ayden together—how they played and laughed, how they trusted each other completely and cared about each other… they had touched something inside him that he hadn’t known was there. He had felt envious for the first time in his life because they had something he didn’t, and he couldn’t just buy it, command someone to give it to him, or take it by force. Even more frustrating was that he had no idea how to get it or what it even was exactly.

Ayden had called it love, a word Matt had always regarded with disgust. But when he watched them together, he felt a new kind of yearning. Tess bossed Ayden around, but he wasn’t afraid of her in the least. He obeyed because he wanted to, even though there was usually nothing in it for him. They had some sort of bond, a connection that Matt didn’t understand.

A dull ache started in his chest. Never, not once in his entire life, had someone been like that with him. He couldn’t remember anyone caring about him at all before Tess. He was used to women being lusty or afraid, but Tess wasn’t like that. She was a fighter and wasn’t scared of him; she had been scared of dying in the end, but never scared of him directly. And although she had been attracted to him, had desired him, it was more than that. She had cared. She had called him friend. When he had told her who he really was, she hadn’t been angry, she had been hurt. And the disappointment in her eyes had felt like a knife in his chest. For the first time, he had felt bad for hurting someone.

For one crazy moment, he considered going to see her in Brunya City. But then he remembered that she was with Ayden now. He had already torn them apart once; now that they were finally together, he would just leave them alone. He was glad that Ayden had forgiven her; it wasn’t Tess’s fault she had been with Matt. Yes, she had wanted him—she had even made the first move, as he had planned. But she was just a stupid girl, a sheltered innocent who had seemed like a fun challenge at the time. She was a fighter, and that was something he hadn’t done before.

To Ayden she meant everything, but to Matt she had been nothing more than a game, a toy to play with like any other woman. He had pushed her, pursued her until she finally caved—they all did eventually. He was glad she was with Ayden now, glad that they could have that thing that he couldn’t, that love or whatever it was.

He suddenly realized what he was thinking and mentally shook himself. What the hell did it matter to him? He had lost everything because of her—his whole world was torn apart because he'd had to care all of a sudden. She should be miserable for ruining his life, not happy with her stupid puppy.

And yet… he didn’t feel regret for turning against his god and his mother. What he felt was guilt for what he had done to Tess and Ayden. Guilt—that was what really pissed him off. Since when did he feel guilt?