The next two nights, when Matt entered dream-state, Sera would temporarily heal his wounds, though they were fewer each time. His mood was always tormented at first, but as he kept his promise not to say anything negative about himself, she was able to pull his focus away from bad things and put him in a good mood.
She kept it sunny and warm as they sat in the grass and talked about simple things, like their tastes, which were quite opposite. He liked meat and savory foods, but she was more for sweet things, apple pie being her favorite. He liked loud music with a hard, steady beat; she liked soft, lilting tunes. His favorite color was crimson, but she liked light colors, especially white and pale pink, which he hated. She had laughed at that and turned her dress pink for a while. He had just rolled his eyes.
He smiled more and more. His eyes became clearer, and she was able to see his emotions there now as well as feel them. He was letting his guard down, starting to let her in, and she made sure to keep things light, to help him feel calm and safe so he would continue to open up. She especially tried to make him laugh. She loved it when he laughed, or when he would smile and shake his head at her. He wasn’t used to silliness, but he liked it.
When she asked about games, he said that he had only played cards here and there. She conjured up her favorite board game, but he refused to play.
“Please?” she asked sweetly, but he shook his head. She smiled a little impishly then. “How about a trade? If you play with me then I’ll give you a cigarette.”
His eyes narrowed. “This whole time, I’m dying for a damn smoke, and I could have had one?” he grumbled.
“You never asked."
He crossed his arms over his wide chest and frowned, annoyed. “You never said it was possible.”
She crawled around the painted board she had set up, then moved his arms and put them around her. She slid hers around his neck and kissed him sweetly. “Stop being grumpy.”
“Give me a cigarette,” he demanded. Though his tone was gruff, she felt some amusement mixed in with his annoyance.
“Play with me,” she shot back. Desire stirred in him at her words, and she grinned. “That’s not what I meant.”
He frowned again. “I don’t want that anyway.”
She laughed. “Liar.”
He sighed. “I’d just hurt you.”
She rolled her eyes. “Oh, shush. I’m not as fragile as you think.”
“Maybe I’m rougher than you realize,” he countered seriously.
She smiled lovingly at him. “I know you’re big and strong, but you still won’t hurt me. And when you come to me in person, we can prove that.”
“In person? Are you saying you’d tell me no if I wanted you right now?”
“Until we’re together in person, my answer is no. And there’s no if—you do want me right now, just as much as I want you.” She grinned and kissed his lips softly. “Well, maybe you want it a little more. I’ve never made love before, so I don’t know what I’m missing, really. And what’s so funny?”
“Is that your way of saying sex?”
She nodded. “When we’re together, it’ll be about love.”
“Okay, really not seeing how sex has anything to do with love. Sex is physical. Love is just… I don’t know, but it’s not sex.”
“Sex as you know it is just physical. Making love is much more. You’ll understand the difference when you get here,” she promised. “Which better be soon, because I don’t like waiting for things I really want.”
He shrugged. “You’re the one denying yourself. But would you really tell me no?” he asked, his voice becoming silky and warm. He kissed her lips, her jaw, her throat, and then nibbled gently on her earlobe.
She closed her eyes and sighed at the blissful little shivers it caused. A need swirled to life inside her as he caressed his tongue along her jaw to her mouth and then kissed her deeply, passionately. It was different from his previous kisses. She clung to him as it made her hazy with desire and lightheaded with pleasure. His hands ran over her back, and then one moved up her side. An electric thrill shot through her when his hand reached her breast and his thumb rubbed against her. Her breath caught.
It took a great deal of effort to make herself pull away from him, but she did, meeting his gaze evenly. “My answer is no,” she told him, though it came out a bit breathlessly. He kept his hand where it was and moved his thumb again. She swallowed. It was amazing how such a tiny movement could feel so good, but she pushed his hand away. “Stop it.”
He touched the top of her dress, fingering the neckline. His eyes were smoldering and his half-grin was wolfish. She shivered at his expression as well as his lusty, almost predatory, feelings. “And if I don’t?” he murmured smoothly.
Then I’ll completely cave to the temptation, she thought. But she didn’t want to do this here. He also needed to understand that no meant no. She took a deep breath, trying to push away her own desire. “Then it would hurt me.”
He dropped his hand and grew instantly serious.
“Not physically, but emotionally, because you wouldn’t be respecting my choice,” she explained. “I want to be with you, more than anything, but I really don’t want to go through the first time twice. Mostly, though, I don’t want to worry about trying to maintain dream-state during that. When we make love, I don’t want to think of anything but you."
He caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers. “I wouldn’t actually force you,” he told her, feeling worried. “I never want to hurt you.”
“I know,” she said confidently. “You just wanted to see if I’d really say no to you.” She smirked then. “Maybe you thought I wouldn’t have the guts to stand up to you.”
He smiled a little as he played with one of the golden curls at the end of her hair. “I think fearless runs in your family.”
“Pretty much,” she agreed. “My dad and uncle are. And Tess, of course.” She studied him for a moment. “It’s strange to you, isn’t it? To have women who aren’t intimidated by you.”
He nodded. “But Tess is a fighter, one who can pretty much hold her own, so it’s easy to accept her not being afraid of me. Even though most men are.” He smiled. “But …” He shrugged. “That’s Tess.”
“But I’m just a damsel in distress.” She put the back of her hand to her forehead and sighed dramatically, making him chuckle. “Tess always says that’s what I am. That’s why she’s out there, slaying the monsters—to make the world safer for the delicate, helpless people like me,” she said in a grand voice.
“Then why isn’t she here?”
His tone was teasing, but she knew he meant it. She decided to play it off and wrapped her arms around his neck. “What? To save you from me?” She smiled widely. “Why? Do you think I have bad intentions?”
He shook his head, but couldn’t help smiling at her. “You should be saved from me.”
“But I’ve already saved myself for you,” she said, turning his words around. “I’ve waited my whole life for you.”
“That’s not what I said. And you’ve only known me for a couple weeks, so you couldn’t have been waiting that long,” he pointed out.
“Yes,” she agreed. She gently touched her nose against his, then leaned back and met his gaze again. “But I’ve been waiting to meet you. I knew you were out there—that one person who’s meant for me. There was no way I’d be with anyone else.” She laughed at his expression. “Don’t look at me like I’m crazy. Most people wait for that one person. Well, some wait by being with lots of other people… but they’re waiting, in a way. Even if they sometimes don’t know they are. But deep down, it’s what we all want: to find that person we belong with.”
She felt his sadness. Regardless of his situation in the waking world, she knew he still wasn’t planning on ever coming to her or letting her come to him. She held in a sigh and hoped that he wouldn’t fight her on it for too much longer. She couldn’t keep using dream-state to see him. But she wouldn’t talk about that now; she didn’t want him to get too serious. So she kissed him sweetly and then returned to the other side of the board. “Come on, play the game with me now.”
He sighed. "Fine, but I don't like word games."
She was disappointed, but didn't push it. "Okay." She waved her hand over the board, and it disappeared, replaced by a deck of cards—the backs of which were a deep red with golden, swirling designs. "You know how to play Red Mage?" When he nodded, she shuffled, then dealt the cards.
Instead of picking up the seven cards she’d put before him, he crossed his arms over his chest. "Forgetting something?"
She rolled her eyes, and handed him a lit cigarette which had suddenly appeared in her hand. "Happy now?"
He took a drag and pretended to ponder the question. She gave him a look that said, You’re a brat. He just smiled and exhaled as he picked up his cards.
