Vivyka sat on the armchair in the corner of the bedroom, brooding as she watched Mathias sleep. There had been too much silence since she had arrived here—it was unnerving. She didn’t like him acting different. What was his game, anyway? There wasn’t any way he could get out of this. He was tied up with strong rope—there was no escape. But still he stayed quiet, only speaking when he had to or when she asked him a direct question.

She lit a cigarette and continued to stare at him. Ridiculously, she felt bad for his discomfort. And yet, she was glad that he suffered; he deserved it. Why did he always have to evoke such extremes in her? Everything with him came in pairs—pleasure and pain, desire and fear, love and hate.

And she really had loved him. Now she realized that he had never actually known that. But how could he have not known? She had been head over heels for him—her life had completely revolved around him. She had learned quickly enough what happened if you told him no, if you didn’t give him what he wanted, or if you hesitated too long, but she did everything for him mostly out of love. And most of the time she was with him, she had been happy.

It never lasted, though. Eventually she would piss him off. She could still close her eyes and almost feel the back of his hand hit her face. She took a drag of her cigarette, then wiped away the stupid tears that escaped. Mainly they were because she felt terrified. She had been here too long. She had meant to kill him that first night, but she couldn’t do it. She hated him and he deserved to die. He was a vicious, ruthless monster… but she wasn’t. She just couldn’t bring herself to murder someone.

She had tried picturing Sera beaten. Sera was so delicate—she would break so easily—and her fair skin would bruise badly. But it didn’t work. No matter how angry Vivyka got, no matter how much rage she felt… she just couldn’t do it, not even for Sera. It didn’t help that she knew Sera would never approve of killing anyone, even him. Especially him.

But she had no choice. She couldn’t untie him. If she let him go… her breath caught, and her stomach twisted with fear at the thought of what he would do to her. She had considered finding someone else to untie him, having them wait until she was long gone. But he would just find her. If he wanted someone to suffer, they suffered.

And he hated cowards more than anything. He couldn’t stand people who were weak and pathetic enough to run from him. She had never heard of someone escaping him, not when he had a reason for wanting them punished. He had plenty of reason to want to punish her.

She had escaped him once, but she figured that he had been done with her anyway. She couldn’t just leave this time. This time, one of them would die. And if it was her, she knew it would be a horribly slow and painful death. She had seen him kill someone once—she knew the fate of those who got on his bad side. She shuddered at the memory.

She wished he would just talk. If he would just fight back verbally, maybe she could do it in the heat of the moment. But he did nothing. He didn’t say a single harsh word. And she couldn’t wait forever. She couldn’t stay here, taking care of him, trapped by fear. She just had to do it.

She gasped suddenly when he moved. She had been so deep in thought that she had forgotten he was there, even though she was staring in his direction. The knot in her stomach tightened when she realized she was crying again. He hated crying. She wiped her tears away quickly, then inwardly groaned. He's tied up, she reminded herself. He can't hurt me now.

With a heavy sigh, she got up, put her cigarette out, lit another, and put it between his lips. She might be able to beat him and hope to kill him, but she couldn’t stand to let him go without the necessities: food, drink, smokes. He would put sex in that category, but he would just have to do without that.

“Thanks,” he told her. His tone was calm, even pleasant. He had been like that yesterday morning, too. She didn’t understand why. How could he look happy after sleeping in a sitting position on the hard floor with his back against a post, not to mention being injured?

She just nodded and headed to the kitchen. She came back with one of the apple muffins she had picked up from the bakery. They weren’t as good as Sera’s, but they were okay. She returned to the chair, tucking her feet to one side. She didn’t offer him anything, knowing he didn’t like them and was never hungry when he first woke up, anyway.

When he was finished with his cigarette, she put it out for him and sat back down. “So… why aren’t you talking?” she asked finally as she set the rest of her muffin on top of the dresser next to her. “What the hell’s your game?” Her voice sounded calm with a sharp edge. She was glad she was able to keep the fear out of it.

“What’s there to say?” he returned casually.

“I don’t know. Just say something, anything.”

“You want me to provoke you,” he guessed correctly.

“I just don’t get it. It’s not like you. You should be taunting me or trying to talk me into letting you go,” she said. He just shrugged, and she shook her head at him. “You like suffering?”

He smiled a little, and she hated seeing those dimples, hated the flutter it caused in her belly. “Servant of Malluk, remember?” he said. “I’m good with pain.”

“So you’re saying I’m just wasting my time?” she asked. “I should just kill you and be done with it?” She sounded cocky, but she felt the opposite. And now she was starting to panic because she was backing herself into a corner.

Again he shrugged, like he didn’t care either way. “Can you do it, though?” he wondered.

She scoffed. “As if killing a monster like you would be a difficult thing.”

“If it was easy, it’d be done by now,” he pointed out calmly. “So why am I still alive, Viv?”

Damn him, he was calling her out. Why had she decided to get him talking? She couldn’t think of a good lie, and she couldn’t tell him the truth. She stalled by lighting a cigarette.

After a moment, she gave a smoky sigh and rolled her eyes at herself. She didn’t have to answer him—she was the one in control here. “We’re out of smokes. I’m going to the store,” she told him curtly and left the apartment.

__________

Matt sighed as he heard the front door close. He didn’t think Vivyka had it in her to kill him. She was too good to murder someone, even someone like him. He would have to provoke her eventually. He had been intending to do just that, but then he had thought of Sera and stayed quiet.

He was a very selfish man, and he wanted too much what the night brought him. He wanted to see Sera's blue eyes and her beautiful face. He wanted to hear her soft voice and her sweet laugh. He wanted to feel her tender touch, to hold her close and feel like he was home.

But this couldn’t go on forever. Sooner or later Vivyka would find the courage to do what needed to be done. He just hoped that she wouldn’t wimp out and let him go. He doubted it. She hadn’t even noticed that his birthmark was missing—that helped. She was still scared of him, even if she sounded cocky; he could see the fear in her eyes. He was counting on that fear.

He sighed again as he shifted his position the little he could. He sat up a bit straighter, so that the bedpost stopped digging into his back so much. It wasn’t too bad, though—just uncomfortable. He wasn’t even in much pain. She probably thought she had beat him well, but that was only because she didn’t know how to really cause pain. Even if she did, she was too good to do it.

But her eyes—the pain in Vivyka’s eyes was horrible. Knowing he was the cause of it was even worse. He had been with a lot of women, but she was truly the unlucky one: he had actually dated her. He had stayed with her, because once he had broken her in, got her over her shyness and brought out the fire in her, she had been fun, incredibly sexy, and an amazing lover. He had only been interested in one-night stands before her, but she was different. She had never gotten boring: she’d just gotten better as time went on. It had been easy to be with her.

He remembered watching her leave him that last night. She hadn’t known how lucky she was, that she had been allowed to leave. He had beaten her, severely, but he hadn’t killed her as planned. He didn’t know why he had shown her mercy. Before Tess, Vivyka was the only one he had ever been merciful with. He had told himself that it was for selfish reasons, that he wasn’t done with her and would find her later.

Still, what was it about those two women? Why had they been any different? And now he felt the most guilt over them, too. As he thought back to the other people in his life, he realized that the only ones who really got anything good from him were his one-night stands. Though most of them had gone away with bruises, most of them had enjoyed themselves enough to offer him seconds later.

Even his friends had gotten their share of beatings from him. Bo and Jake had actually ended up being killed shortly after Vivyka had left, because they had pissed him off. They had been his friends for three years, but still, Matt had been the one to personally kill them. He had looked into their eyes, he had seen their fear and heard their pleas, but he had been unmoved. How were Tess and Vivyka able to get from him what Bo and Jake couldn’t?

He had no answers.

And it all felt like such a long time ago. It felt like the man who killed Bo and Jake, who beat Vivyka, who did so many nasty things, didn’t even exist now. His head was filled with what felt like someone else’s memories. But they were his, and he felt the heavy weight of them. He despised the person in those memories. He hated himself for being that monster. Vivyka would be doing the world a favor if she could only find the strength to kill him.

Until then, he kept his temper in check. He was amazed at how much easier it was now. Maybe it was because he knew she was right—he deserved everything she said or did to him. Maybe it was because he didn’t want to hurt her anymore, even with words. But mostly, he thought it was because in these last days of his life, he wanted to change. He wanted to be the man Sera believed he could be.

__________

It was nearing noon when Matt heard the front door open and close, but it wasn’t Vivyka’s heels that walked across the hardwood floor; it was black combat boots that tromped into his bedroom. His gaze rose to see fitting dark leather pants and a dusty blue t-shirt, then finally her face. Her hair, though it was shorter since the last time he had seen her, was pulled back in the usual braid, giving him a clear view of her deep brown eyes—and they were still caring.

He was happy to see her; he had actually missed her. “Figures,” he said, smiling. “Well, Sera kept her promise. She didn’t come herself.”

“Yeah,” Tess agreed, frowning at him. “You look like shit, Matt.”

He shrugged. “I got myself into this, I’ll get myself out.”

“How? By getting yourself killed?”

“That’s the plan,” he said casually.

She shook her head sadly as she walked closer and pulled the dagger out of her left boot sheath. She crouched down next to him and cut the ropes away, having to lean her cheek against his arm as she freed his hands.

“Tess…” he said quietly. She lifted her head and met his gaze. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry,” he told her sincerely. She looked surprised, then nodded as she cut away the rope around his ankles. “Sera told me you’re with Ayden now. I’m glad.”

She stayed crouched were she was. “Thanks. Should have been with him from the beginning,” she said, and Matt nodded. “Thanks for saving me, by the way.”

He rubbed his sore wrists. “Yeah.”

“Why’d you do it?” she asked. “Why’d you go against your mom and your god… just for me?”

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “I didn’t think. I just knew I had to save you.”

It was the same thing she had said about saving him once. “Bet you’re regretting that now,” she said, repeating his line.

He shook his head. “Not at all.”

She smiled at him and patted his cheek, then stood up and took a few steps back. “So, who did this?” she asked, her voice a bit louder now.

“Someone who doesn’t like me very much.”

“I worked that much out for myself, funny enough,” she said, rolling her eyes, then called into the living room, “Ayd.”

Matt looked over to see Ayden appear in the doorway, glowering. “Well, you don’t look happy to see me.”

“Heal him, please,” Tess ordered.

The mage didn’t argue, but continued to glare as he walked over and put a hand on Matt’s forearm, touching him as little as possible. It took longer than it should have since the desire wasn’t there. He had to use only focus and willpower, which wasn’t easy—magic worked best which fueled by desire. When he was done, he stood and went to stand near the door again, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Thanks,” Matt told him.

“So, where is this person?” Tess asked. “This woman who actually beat you.”

Matt shrugged. “Said she was going to the store, but that was hours ago.” He got up and moved to sit on the bed. “I can deal with it from here, thanks.”

“Don’t think so.”

“Why?” He lay back and sighed at the comfort of his bed.

“Because Sera said to make sure you were okay,” Tess told him. “And to make sure the woman was gone.”

He closed his eyes. “Do you always do what Sera says?”

“Yes,” Tess answered without hesitation. “She’s family, and my friend. If she needs me to do something for her, I will.”

“What’s his reason?” Matt asked, opening his eyes and nodding to Ayden.

“She’s my friend, too,” Ayden answered tightly.

Matt smiled a little at the mage’s attitude toward him. His hatred helped. Ayden could really kill Matt; killing monsters was what he did. He wouldn’t even feel guilty about it, and then Vivyka wouldn’t have murder on her conscience.

Matt looked at Tess, treasuring the look in her eyes for a moment longer. She still looked at him as though they were friends. Thank you, he thought, and I’m sorry. It was time for her to hate him, too.

He pushed away his emotions and willed himself to go cold, then turned his attention to Ayden. “So, what exactly is it you hate me for?” he asked lightly. “I’m pretty sure I know, but tell me.”

“Matt, don’t,” Tess warned.

“I haven’t liked you from the moment I met you,” Ayden told him.

“That’s true,” Matt said, looking slightly amused. “You threatened to kill me before I even screwed her.” Tess grimaced, and Ayden’s jaw clenched. “Oh, get over it already. You have her now. If anything, I just got her ready for you.” He smirked, and Tess gaped at him. “If you’re going to hate me, at least be reasonable about it. Hate me for almost killing her. Hate me for hurting her. Hate me for leaving bruises all over her body, and liking it.” Ayden’s glare became even more spiteful. “Everything else was just as much her as it was me,” Matt continued casually. “Or do you hate her, too?”

“Why do you have to start shit?” Tess asked.

The disappointment in her voice stung. He kept his gaze on Ayden, not wanting to see the hurt and betrayal in her eyes. “Because I want to know,” he told her. Then, keeping his tone light and mocking, he asked Ayden, “Do you hate her for wanting me instead of you? For desiring me so much in the first place? Or do you just hate me for taking what she so willingly offered? For giving her what she wanted when she begged me for more?” He glanced at Tess now, though he avoided her eyes. “How many times was it? I lost count.” He looked back at Ayden with a grin. “She’s definitely got stamina.”

“Shut up,” Tess growled at him.

“I hate you. Only you,” Ayden answered venomously.

Matt smiled darkly as he heard the front door open. “Well… get ready to hate me a whole lot more.”

Tess was the first to speak when Vivyka entered the bedroom. “You? You know Matt?”

Vivyka frowned deeply. “What are you doing here? And why’d you untie him?”

“Viv,” Tess said, her voice filled with astonishment, “you were beating on someone who couldn’t even fight back. That’s just wrong.”

“He deserves it. He’s a monster.”

“And you doing this to him… what’s that make you?” Tess countered.

“Someone who’s delivering a little justice. You kill monsters all the time, Tess,” Vivyka pointed out.

“Yes, I kill them,” Tess agreed. “I don’t make them suffer—that’s why I’m not the monster.”

“And what about the monsters that make helpless young girls suffer?” Vivyka looked over at Matt. “Haven’t told them, have you?”

“Nope,” he said, staring out the window on the other side of the bed. “Left that pleasure for you.”

“How sweet,” she said sardonically and turned back to Tess. “You asked me a while ago what happened when I was in Seaport,” she reminded her. “Well, he is what happened.” She nodded to Matt. “But why are you here trying to save him, after what he did to you?”

“Sera asked me to. And besides, he risked his life to save me. He was the one that got me into the mess, but he got me out. It’s fine now,” she told her. “Even if I’m really not liking him at the moment.”

“What are you talking about?” Vivyka asked.

Tess was confused again. “He was going to sacrifice me, but he didn’t. He almost died saving me.”

“Viv’s only interested in the sex part,” Matt informed her flatly. “She thinks I forced you.”

Tess glared at him again. “Does everyone have to know?”

Matt huffed a laugh. “Didn’t know it was a secret.”

“Sorry to stomp on your ego, but I’m not exactly proud of it.”

“Really?” he asked in mock surprise. “I thought you wouldn’t care if the whole world knew. I mean, you were definitely loud enough at the time.” He grinned while she glared.

“I heard it from Julia,” Vivyka said.

Tess gaped at her. “My mom?”

“I overheard her talking to Lotus.”

Tess groaned. “I need to remind my family to shut up,” she mumbled. “Viv, he didn’t force me.”

“I said the same thing,” Vivyka said bitterly. “The words no, stop, don’t… they all seemed to blur in my delusion. Somehow I convinced myself that I had really wanted it, like he said I did.”

Tess looked from Matt to Vivyka, trying to piece things together. “Viv…” She took a deep breath, glancing worriedly at Ayden. “I didn’t say anything like that. He actually refused to do anything until I said I wanted it. Even then I had to make the first move.” Ayden was even more rigid now, he obviously hadn’t known that part. “Matt’s an asshole, I’ll give you that,” Tess went on. "He can be amazingly harsh, too… but that?”

Matt laughed. “You don’t know me at all, Tess. You got off easy because I needed you to go along with me to get the dagger… and because you were a fun challenge. Plus, there was no need for force with you; you were forceful enough yourself.” He glanced at Ayden. “Surprised you haven’t broken your puppy yet.”

Color flooded her cheeks. “I—”

“You were lucky,” Vivyka interjected angrily. “Now let me tell you about the real Mathias…”

She gave them a summary of the bad parts of their dating relationship, of his abuse. When she was finished, Tess looked horrified and Ayden was even more furious.

“Is… is it true?” Tess asked Matt.

He got off the bed and walked over to Vivyka. “Smokes,” he told her, holding out an expectant hand. When she hesitated, he commanded in a firm tone. “Now.” She looked down and handed them over. She was still afraid, even with the others here. He suddenly had the ridiculous urge to pull her into his arms, to hold her and tell her he was sorry. He inwardly grumbled at himself, shaking off the feeling and keeping his face hard.

He lit a cigarette, then grabbed her by the throat with his free hand. Though his grip was loose, Vivyka’s dark eyes still instantly filled with fear. It ha been three years and still one touch from him made her lose her strength, her edge. She suddenly looked like a helpless girl again. He hated that.

He kept his gaze locked with hers while the others stiffened, waiting to see what he would do. All he had to do was hurt her, and they would kill him… but he wouldn’t do that to her. He had abused her enough. He wouldn’t hurt her anymore. He just wanted them to see her fear, to see that she was still scared enough that she didn’t even try to get away from him. Her friends would know her feistiness—anyone would—so seeing her become suddenly submissive would tell them more than any words could.

Still, he showed them more. He moved his hand up so that he was holding her chin. He turned her head slightly toward them, then ran his thumb over her bottom lip, across a small scar on the left side.

Then he lowered his hand and pulled down lightly on the V-cut neckline of her crimson top, exposing a little more of her right breast. He ran his finger over a small circular scar where he had burned her with a cigarette.

He pulled her close then, making her cheek touch his chest. She let him, remaining obedient, just as she had when they were dating. He moved his hand around her waist and pushed down on her pants enough to show them a two-inch-long scar near her right hip. Once, when he had backhanded her, she had fallen into her full-length mirror. It had shattered, and a shard of it had stuck into her. He had taken it out for her, not worried about being gentle, and told her to go to the temple to get healed. He hadn’t even gone with her.

He was a little surprised that he remembered all the marks he had made on her body, and yet he couldn’t remember the names of people he had tortured and killed.

He let her go and moved back to the bed. “And you thought me putting a few bruising on Tess was bad,” he scoffed at Ayden. “Viv has a couple more from me as well. And she’s not even telling you everything.” He glanced at her. “Should I tell them?”

Her eyes filled with more pain as she looked down and shook her head.

Ayden started to raise his hand, but Tess grabbed his wrist.

Vivyka scowled at her. “You still wanna protect him?” she asked in outrage.

Tess looked back at Matt. She looked repulsed, like she should. Ayden’s hatred meant nothing to Matt, but seeing it in her eyes hurt. “I promised I’d help him,” she told Vivyka slowly. “I won’t break that promise.” Then she asked Matt, “Does Sera know about this?”

He looked down. “No.”

“You let her waste her gift, let her drain her power to be with you, and you haven’t told her?” she demanded furiously.

“What?” Vivyka asked.

“She’s a dream healer, Viv, remember? She has the power to enter dreams, like the justice clerics do, except for healing purposes.”

“Yeah, but she needs the person’s blood to do that,” Vivyka said.

“She took care of him for three weeks after he saved me. As creepy as stealing someone’s blood is, that’s what she did.”

Matt didn’t know why, but he found that funny—Sera stealing blood like some vampire in a story. He pushed the thought away before he actually laughed.

“Are you saying she’s used dream-state on him?” Vivyka asked.

“Yes. She comes to see him every night.” Tess turned back to Matt. “Did she tell you it’s draining her?”

“No,” he answered, serious again.

“Well, it is,” Tess said. “Haven’t you noticed her hair getting darker? Every time she uses dream-state for the wrong reason—that being you—she loses more of that power. Unlike the powers that comes with Aryst’s mark, the dream healer gift is very rare and gets striped away when used for things other than healing. Sera’s not even at the temple right now, though she’s supposed to be. Do you know why?”

He just shook his head.

“Because when they see her they’ll know, and she’ll lose her place. She’ll be kicked out of the temple because she’s breaking temple law. The very first rule is to not misuse the gifts given by the goddess. She’s given up her calling, the thing her whole life has been dedicated to, for you—and you don’t even have the decency to tell her the truth!”

“She’ll find out soon enough,” Vivyka spat, her eyes sparkling with furious tears. “If she hasn’t already.”

Matt’s head shot up. “I would never hurt her!” he said fervently without thinking, then sighed at his slip.

“You’re damn right you never will!” Vivyka told him, pulling her dagger out and stepping forward—she had found the courage she needed at last.

“Viv, no,” Tess said, grabbing her arm.

Vivyka whirled around, her eyes blazing. “Tess, it doesn’t matter what Sera said. It’s for her own good.”

“No,” Tess insisted. “Sera will decide for herself.”

“I’m with Viv. He needs to die,” Ayden put in scathingly as he glared at Matt. There was no doubt in Matt’s mind that he could and would do it. “I’ll even be nice and do it quickly,” Ayden said, taking a step toward the bed. Matt knew he was planning on a lightning bolt to the head; it would be the quickest way.

Tess grabbed Ayden and pulled him back. When he turned to face her, she touched his cheek and looked imploringly into his eyes. “Ayd, please.”

“He hurt you. He hurt Viv,” he said tightly. “We can’t give him the chance to hurt Sera, too.”

“He didn’t hurt me. He didn’t even hurt you. I did that,” she told him. “This isn’t about your hatred for him.”

“Why are you always standing up for him?” he asked, sounding more wounded than angry.

“I’m not. I’m just telling the truth.”

“Well, he still hurt Viv.”

“Yes, and she hasn’t cared to do anything about it for three years,” Tess pointed out. “She could have said something. She could have gotten help from me and you, from my dad or uncle—from a lot of people—but she didn’t. She’s only doing this because of Sera. This isn’t about Viv or you or me, it’s about Sera—which is exactly why we can’t kill him without her permission. This is her thing; we’ll do it her way.”

Ayden looked sour, but said nothing.

Tess sighed. “Ayd, I’m not saying this for him, I swear. I’m only saying this because I won’t make Sera’s choices for her. You know that’s wrong. And if we were to break our promise, it would hurt Sera. She trusts us, and I won’t let her down. After she learns the truth I’ll do whatever she wants me to, even if it’s killing him.”

Ayden looked torn, but finally he sighed and looked at the floor. Of course he wouldn’t go against her, Matt thought, rolling his eyes.

“Thank you,” Tess told him.

“Fine, I’ll talk to Sera myself,” Vivyka hissed as she grabbed her bag and left, slamming the front door on her way out.

“So, what are we gonna do?” Ayden asked.

Tess rubbed her face. “We’ll stay here tonight and make sure Viv has a head start, make sure he doesn’t follow.”

Matt scoffed. “As if I would. And I told Sera myself to stay away from me.”

Tess turned back to him. “Obviously you didn’t try hard enough!” she spat. “Do you really think I don’t know how dream-state works? She’s my cousin. I know that you can leave it whenever you decide to. You’re just a selfish bastard!”

He couldn’t argue; he knew it was true. Her eyes were filled with pain, disgust, and bitter disappointment. He couldn’t stand the sight, and looked away again.

After a moment, she sighed and leaned against Ayden. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her hair. “We’ll leave in the morning,” she said, quietly now. She lifted her head and looked at her boyfriend with the same adoring look that Sera had—the thing Matt had been so envious of, the thing he could never have. Even if Sera loved him now, she would be sharing Tess’s feelings about him soon enough.

Tess kissed Ayden sweetly, and even though he was upset with her, he kissed her back just as tenderly. Then she took his hand and led him to living room. They closed the bedroom door behind them, leaving Matt with himself in his own personal hell.